Like so many around the world, I'm sick over the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. There is simply no reason on Earth for someone to do what that mentally ill young man chose to do to that school. Senseless isn't strong enough of a word.
Another shooting...it’s not something I want to happen anywhere, much less at a school.
When I think about in the role as a teacher, I can imagine what the faculty of that school endured during those terrifying moments. The knowledge that they
had to keep themselves focused and in control to maximize any chance of survival. The overwhelming responsibility they felt toward their kids, which overshadowed concern for their own safety.
And I imagine the survivor's guilt they likely feel over the loss of so many. Gone in their minds is the focus on how many were saved. My guess is the memory of what they've seen and all of those lost replaced that the second they left their school. The questions about why they couldn't do more and save those killed is with them at every moment. The continued worry about the children who were saved...
We went through a tiny fraction of what this school experienced. It was enough, though, for me (us at my school) to have a tiny glimmer of understanding of their world right now. If nearly seventy percent of our staff suffered from PTSD because of our shooting, I hate to think about what must lie ahead for that community.
I hope and pray that the community goes above and beyond to get the school staff the emotional support they will need. If nothing else, those involved need a chance to professionally debrief as a group (like all of the first responders will as a part of their job). As much as others try to understand the feelings this staff is going through, no one can truly "get it," which is extremely isolating. Talking with others who experienced the same thing is so validating...
I hope they rely on each other for emotional strength and healing.
~~~
When I think about this even as a parent, I can't breathe. Those little ones were my kids' age. In, had I sent my kids to school this year, what could have been the same grade as my boys.
It shakes me to my core.
It reminds me to make every moment count with my boys.
It makes me want to hole up in our house and never go out into the big, ugly world.
It makes me want to shower them in love and never let them out of my sight.
It makes me my heart ache when I think of those parents who will never, ever be able to hold their beautiful children again. Their grief weighs heavily on all of us.
~~~
When I first heard the news, I was on a bus filled with half of the one hundred and twenty eighth grade students we were taking to the Museum of Tolerance. At that point, I think there was still hope that all the children were okay. I didn't tell them what had happened. I couldn't bring myself to; I wanted to shield them from the it for as long as possible. As it was, they saw a news report on the shooting almost as soon as we entered the museum.
I did text Is.aac several times. We were both speechless about the unfolding information. We told each other we loved each other. We vowed to snuggle our boys when we got home from work.
It's striking that we went to a place focused on hate and intolerance on a day like yesterday. Each exhibit hit us all a little harder, made us just that much more emotional. By the time we came home, we were all physically and emotionally spent.
~~~
There was a moment while we were on our field trip, though, that made me pause. In my mind, it highlighted why we see so many young people doing such horrific things.
One of the exhibits was a diner. The students all entered and sat in front of a jukebox shaped monitor. They were shown a short movie on a given topic and then asked questions about it.
This year, our docent chose the topic of drinking and driving. The short film is a (fictional) news report about a teenage couple on the way home from the prom. They get into a single car accident which kills the male driver. The film jumps to several other news reports spread out over a few weeks. As new details emerge, the viewer starts to get a clearer picture of what happened. The driver was drunk from alcohol the girlfriend bought at a convenience store known to turn its head to underage customers. The driver's mother is also stated as knowing her son had issues with alcohol.
The kids heard all the information from the film clips and were asked to rate the level of personal responsibility each of 4 key players in the drama had on the boy's death: the 17 year old male driver, the 16 year old girlfriend who bought the alcohol, the mother who knew something was up with her son, and the store owner. They were told they could give the same amount of responsibility to all of those involved if they chose, or they could assign different levels of responsibility to each person.
This was where my jaw hit the floor.
The kids, who are all very bright Honors students,
assigned the least amount of responsibility to the driver himself. The most responsibility was assigned to the store owner and the mother. In essence, these kids thought that the boy's own actions had little responsibility in his own death and instead assigned blame to the adults.
The docent saw my reaction and said that how my kids responded was very typical of what they see from the kids who come to this exhibit.
The kids were then given more information about the scenario. They were allowed to "ask" questions of the three living characters. (I think they were four question options for each of them.) After the kids gathered more information, they were polled again about the responsibility each player had in the death of the boy.
Again they said the adults were the responsible, not the kids.
I was shocked. I still struggle to wrap my mind around the fact that the boy held little responsibility for his own death in this situation.
But if this kind of thinking is typical, as the docent said it was, then it lends itself to the bigger picture: The kids of this generation are somehow missing the lesson that
they are responsible for their own actions, choices, and consequences. Somehow, our kids are getting the sense that they are not responsible for the things they do, the blame falls on the lap of someone.
The more I think about it, the more examples I see. The are the kids who have parents who lie for them so they won't have to serve detentions or get bad grades. There's the kid who plagiarized an entire essay whose father argued that his son should not be suspended because the teacher's parent letter never stated that plagiarism is forbidden. (yes. a parent did argue that.) The parents that continue to shower their children with toys and objects without any regard to whether the children need it/or want it simply to make up for lack of time or parenting.
It's everywhere, this subtle message that this generation don't have to take responsibility for their actions.
It scares the crap out of me.
I have a lot of work ahead of me with this group. Somehow, I need to ensure that these kids learn and take personal responsibility for their actions.
~~~
My goal for today was to do a random act of kindness for someone outside of my circle of friends/family as a rebellion against the evil and hate. Can you imagine if everyone did that and kept doing it?
I don't want to believe that the world is evil. I don't want my boys to grow up to think the world is a horrible place, either. I want to teach them that while bad things happen, there is so much more good. I want them to focus on the helpers, like Mr. Rogers said.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
― Fred Rogers
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