I Need My Big Girl Panties

I had this long winded rant about a whole list of things. I scrapped that. Let's just say that the day started like crap and got progressively worse.

The highlight of which was taking Ja.son to the ortho-whateveryoucallhim-ist to get his helmet. He cried so much he threw up. Ja.son, not the ortho dude.

Fun stuff.

Now we have a helmet that makes him sweat like a pig, makes me cry like a baby when I see him in it, and smells like puke.

We are starting to phase him into full time wear. Basically, we start him on wearing the helmet for one hour increments. One hour on, one hour off. That goes on for a few days. Day three the time on is increased to four hours on, one off, until day 5 is up to 23 hours on with one off.

You read that right. 23 hours a day will be in this helmet.

1 hour is out of the helmet.

For 3-6 months.

It still upsets me to think about him in it. Partly, I suppose, because it is a daily reminder of all of the NICU stuff. Partly because it is something that everyone SEEs. I can't cover this one up with smiles and talk about sunshine and roses. Partly because it is a constant reminder of how I failed them. Yeah, yeah, I did what I could and all that crap. Still it hurts.

He hates it and cries the entire time it is on.

I hate it and cry the entire time it is on. (I sound like such a baby. I need to just put on my big girl panties and get a grip already.)

This is going to take some MAJOR adjustment on both of our parts.

I was going to take a picture of my sweet little man. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I suck, I know.

What do you know. It turned into a whiny post anyway.

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I am working on decorating the ugly thing. Anyone have any cute stickers they wouldn't mind sharing?

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If you're interested in seeing the boys attempt at eating stage 3 foods, here you go. It makes me laugh, but I understand that I may be a little biased.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

***Edited to add: To answer the questions about the NICU, here is a brief synapsis - The boys were transferred from the nice area NICU to a big, evil NICU in a major city about an hour (ish) away from us. They both had developed hydro.ceph.alus, and it was clear that something needed to be done. Our county, however, did not have a neonatal surgeon available. So, on the weekend after Thanksgiving, we were shipped to the other hospital.

Getting there each day was difficult. We traveled each day. Often it took us closer to two hours to get there due to traffic, and about an hour and a half to get back, which we did each day because hubby was still going to work. Due to a number of reasons, we were not able to be at the hospital for as long as I would have liked.

Anyway, the hydro caused the boys' heads to swell. The NICU nurses at the evil hospital wouldn't turn their heads because they thought it would be "uncomfortable" for them if they layed on the back of their heads. They would only lay them side to side. Then the boys had the surgeries to place their shunts, and the nurses wouldn't put them on the back of their heads because they had the shunts, and "it had to hurt to lay on the back of their heads". (this place was supposed to have done thousands of this type of surgery, so the nurses should have known some very standard things about the care of them. I felt more often than not that the nurses were afraid of the shunts and what to do with them.)

I tried desperately to get people there to listen to me about the placement/shaping of their heads among other things. Long story short, our relationship was strained by the time we were sent back to the nice hospital where the boys were born.

Anyway, Ja.son's head shape is directly related to the care he received while at the evil hospital. Sh.awn had issues with his head initially, too, but with all of the extra stuff he's been through, his head has rounded out more.

Well, the wishing didn't work. Hmph. So, helmet it is.

Don't get me wrong, I know this is the best thing for my little man. I get all that. I just wish he didn't need it. And, well, the failure of the wishing part is already established, so there you go.

I am wrapping my mind around it. I'll get there.

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Today marks 6 months since my dad died.

I miss him.

I miss that he didn't really get the chance to meet and love on my boys. He only ever saw Sh.awn sick. He didn't get to see that incredibly sweet smile of his. He didn't hear Ja.son's instant belly laugh at my sneezes.

He would have loved being with the boys so much. Helmet and all.

Mad and Sad at the Same Time

Ja.son's helmet is in. Looks like we pick it up on Monday. This one makes me incredibly sad. Not sure if it is because it will be a constant reminder of all of the stuff that went on with the boys or if it is because of some other reason. I've been on the verge of tears since I got the news.

And yes I know I didn't mention that we had the appointment, that he had been casted for it (way old school, but the place is two hours closer to us and my neurosurgeon said that it didn't really matter if I did the new fangled way or this one), had to go back for pictures because the place making the helmet was somewhat freaked by the shunt, or that I had to call three times to make sure that they are making the helmet white instead of this god awful mustard color that was accidentally coded on my receipt.

I am in denial.

The jig is up on Monday though. Think his head will miraculously round itself out between now and then? If I wish real hard?

I'll do it anyway, just in case.

Don't get me started on the fact that he needs it in the first place...(stupid NICU nurses at the evil hospital.)

Sigh.

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I'm taking the day off from ICLW. I need some me time. I'll catch up tomorrow.

Plus it is Is.aac's birthday today. Not that he is spending it here with me. He's coaching jv football with his cousin tonight.

Double sigh.

Our Trip In Pictures

Ahhh...there is nothing like living it up in a hotel...





The boys hogged the bed and wondered whether mommy and daddy liked the cribs, but they didn't dwell on that too long. They had things to do, people to see! Soon it was time to get ready for the big day.



Here they are in their fine duds.





(Jason was a little annoyed at the delays...he wanted the party to start. Still he didn't do anything more than protest through cute little faces.)

The ceremony was sweet. The bride and groom were so nervous! Beautiful, too! The groom, however, was a bit nervous while he waited for his bride. So what did he do? Apparently drink. He was a tad bit drunk by the time the ceremony started...umm...probably more than a tad.

Some snapshots afterward. My niece was gorgeous in her dress.



Can't forget the happy couple shot (he had gotten himself together some by then)...

It's reception time...

This is Sh.awn and me dancing to 80's music. Sh.awn likes the night life. He likes to boog-ay.

Ja.son and his new little grin.

Love, love, love this one of Sh.awn and Is.aac.



Finally, Ja.son took a little catnap with daddy.


He just wanted to gather some energy so he could start partying again.



And then it was over and time to return home.

We saw a lot of this...

That was actually better than the lots of black nothingness we saw on the way to our destination.

We stopped periodically for this type of thing...

I love that there is room in the car for us to change a diaper when needed. Wonder how long I've got before they out grow the space?

I briefly thought of posting a picture of the trip's aftermath, but I was too embarrassed. All of the crap I packed for the trip has now taken residence in the middle of the dining room floor (and good Lord, babies have a LOT of crap). At some point, you know, when I have free time, I'll have to put it all away. Not looking forward to that at all. Sigh.

And we have a nifty little souvenir of the trip.

Wait for it...

wait for it...

cause you know I can't make up stuff this good...

...

...

...

Sh.awn developed pink eye. Yep. Thanks whoever. We appreciate it.

We are back, and I have to say that my boys totally rock! I swear. They didn't cry once the entire time.

Make them sit in car seats for what seemed like an eternity?

Not a peep.

Put them in an unfamiliar place and make them sleep?

Doesn't faze them in the least.

Take them out to a wedding which started two hours late. Delay their lunch an hour because of said lateness. Keep them up by passing them to brand new family members they have never met before. Throw in a lot of loud, bumping music.

Not a fucking sound other than adorable cooing.

See? They totally rock.

And I am one very lucky girl.

(pictures tomorrow)

Today is my 300th post! Yea! To celebrate, I am off to my niece's wedding. Our first road trip...should be fun! Be back on Sunday.

Jeez. Three posts today. WOW.

Oops. Now it is four!

Show & Tell -- 08/02/02

My wedding day...

August 2, 2002, was six years ago, but it still feels like yesterday.

A little background -- Is.aac and I met in high school. It was all very cliche, actually. He was the quarterback/captain of the football team while I was the captain of the cheerleading squad. We had always known one another, but up until the end of our junior year, he had always been attached to someone. He swears that the girls he went out with before me were the aggressors. He swears that each one told him that he was dating her and to get used to it. Which he did to make things easier on himself. I am not sure I buy that, but whatever.

Anyway, we started dating at the end of our junior year--the last day of school to be exact. (Personally, I think he was interested because I could have cared less about him at the time. I was the first person who didn't tell him his shit smelled like roses.) We've been together ever since.

He finally proposed two days after Valentine's Day in 2002. The rest, they say, is history. We were married less than six months later. (I apologize for the pictures. Couldn't get the scanner to work, so these are pictures of my pictures. Note to self, scan wedding photos in free time.)

Our families are quite diverse. Is.aac's extended family are very Catholic. I didn't quite understand what it was to be very Catholic until I met his family. Whoa. Is.aac's immediate family (mom, brothers, and sisters-in-laws) converted to Je.hovah's Witnesses right after we met, which is how I have the rep for leading my man astray--straight to hell. My family were not overly religious, except for my dad's family who were, I kid you not, Ho.ly Rollers. Let's not forget the Mormons we've got in the mix, too.

And then there is Is.aac and myself who are not very religious at all. (wonder why?) It wouldn't have mattered which religion we chose to follow, people would have been pissed.

To help make the ceremony as religion friendly as possible (the Witnesses wouldn't go to a church ceremony was one factor as well), we were married in a small non-religious ceremony on a golf course. It was beautiful. This picture shows just a little of the scenery at the ceremony site (and yes, we could see the ocean, but for some reason I can't find those pictures).

See all the bubbles...

We were married by a female pastor--man was that an unexpected controversy...

I thought she was great, though.

This is Is.aac when he first saw me walking down the aisle.

Me just before I saw him.

This next one was taken just after we were pronounced "man and wife." It is one of my favorites of us ever.

Here is the beautiful cake. I loved that thing. It was banana cake with strawberry/banana filling. Yummy.

At the reception...

Special pictures of me and my parents...


Look at how short my dad is was.


Lastly, these are some of my favorites of the two of us.

So there you have it folks.