Wordless Wednesday - 14 Months

14 months old today. I say it every month, but here I go again. I just can't believe how fast this time is going. I want to slow it down and savor every second.

Notice the sock size. The boy is wearing 2T-3T socks.
And they are starting to get tight!

Man, I love this little guy!

Today Was a Really Amazing Day

It was very emotional ceremony, as special as you could make one of these types of ceremonies, and one that I'd guess that the in-laws thought was pretty perfect.

The courtroom was filled with family and friends. Many of Baby A's bio family except for the birth mom, our MIL and us from their family, and a few of their close friends were there. (Noticeably absent was the other BIL and wife, but I truly believe it is their loss to have missed this experience.)

The judge said a few words, thanked us for coming, and gave the in-laws the adoption decree. He told them to read it before signing, but added that they could read it aloud or to themselves. BIL said this was something we'd all been waiting for and he'd read it to all of us. When BIL started to read, he started sobbing and had to stop. He handed it to SIL to read. She got a few words in and had to stop, too. They continued to hand the paper back and forth, each reading a few words before stopping to wipe away their tears. By the time they were finished, I don't think there was a dry eye in the place, including the judge's.

Tears of happiness are so wonderful!

They are now an official family.

I stood to the side, taking pictures. I watched their faces while I snapped. I wish you could have seen their overwhelming joy. It was clear that this was something for which they had been waiting a lifetime. Afterward, I think SIL was literally floating out of that courthouse. Her elation made me all the more teary. BIL held his baby girl proudly on his arm. Both of them were beaming.

Oh man I am so, so happy for them.

There have been other times when I've been fortunate enough to witness that joy, but I have to admit that seeing this type of emotion isn't as common as I'd expect. Sure I've seen plenty of happiness, but this was something different.

This was more.

It was a couple who had been matched, through a series of incredible circumstances, with a baby even though they were no longer actively looking.

It was a couple who had truly given up on this ever happening, who had resigned themselves to never being able to have a child of their own.

Today, because an amazing blessing of fate, I literally witnessed a dream come true.

Tomorrow

So excited for tomorrow. My in-laws are finally getting the chance to finalize the adoption of their little girl. They got the news yesterday afternoon. With only two days notice, we've all been scrambling trying to make the day a nice celebration.

Court date in the late afternoon.

Family (which includes the baby's birth family) dinner and celebration afterward.

Lots and lots of pictures.

Lots and lots of very happy people.

Doesn't it all sound perfect?!

It's kind of silly that I get so emotional when I think about their adoption finalizing, but I do. I almost can't even talk about it without tearing up. The idea of them getting their much wanted, much dreamed about baby after nearly twenty years of waiting makes my heart nearly burst for them.

I said it when I first wrote about this, but I'm saying it again. Sometimes, the universe just gets it right.

Solar Eclipse

(Cross posted on the boys' blog.)

The excitement for today was a solar eclipse.

We started the adventure with a description of what was happening to the sun; however, I may have traumatized one of my children while I was explaining. It took quite a while before he stopped yelling, "I don't want the moon to block the sun! Make it stop!"

He even made an appeal for Siri's help.

Oopsie.

Anyway, once everyone understood that the world was not going to end when the moon blocked some of the sun, we had some fun.

We held out our hands to look at the crescent shaped shadows on the brick wall.

As we were taking pictures of my hands, I glanced to the left and saw the sun shining through the leaves created the same crescent shaped shadows.

A whole bunch of mini eclipses right on my wall. :-)

The crescents continued to change as it progressed.
I'm such a geek when it comes to this kind of thing.

The last shot before it was over.

It was very cool!

---

We participated in the March for Babies yesterday. I am really glad that I did it. I wrote about it on the boys' blog if you're interested in reading about our big day. :-)

March for Babies

This is a video documenting my pregnancy and the birth of the dynamic duo. Remember this?

They were so fragile and tiny. They were so, so sick.



It brings it all back when I look at those pictures--the happiness, the excitement, and of course the fear. The tears well in my eyes. Those were tough times, for sure. Our boys had such a rocky beginning.

They really have come so far in these 4 short years!

Sure there are some obstacles, but they are here. They are healthy. They are smarts as whips. They are HILARIOUS! :-)
I am incredibly thankful for the dedication and skill of the NICU team which cared for the boys in those early days. I am also thankful for the March of Dimes. Without the funding and research provided by the March of Dimes, several life saving advancements (surfactant is one example) would not have been available to help our boys survive their early birth.

That is why I am participating in this year's March for Babies. Our boys are here, in part, because of them.

The March for Babies walk is only 4 days away. Te.am Lo.pez is proud that we've raised $625.00 so far for this important charity, but we still have a ways to go before we hit our goal of $1000. We would love it if you'd consider supporting Te.am Lo.pez and the March of Dimes. It really is such a worth cause!


Please consider donating to this very worthy cause. Anything will help!

---

I was floored to find out that our team is among the top 10 family teams for our county! Woo hoo!

Friday Night Leftovers - A Whole Lot of Updates

• The boys are all still sick. Stupid germs. It was a rough week with at least one child waking up several times a night. On the bad night, it was two kids waking up numerous times. Waking up in the middle of the night is not the norm at our house.
• And then there was Sh.awn, who was just as sick, but slept like a champ all week long. He basically called the other two wusses and said they know nothing of being sick.
• I'm sad that in his perspective, being sick isn't all that bad. The implications from that make my heart ache.
• Ja.son is one of the MOST dramatic people I know. Good lord does my boy wail and moan as if he is on death's door. He gets that from his father. Perhaps he has acting in his future?

• Is.aac's brother and SIL had their baby on Wednesday. We went to visit them in the hospital today (Is.aac went on Wednesday). Oh man did holding a baby make my ovaries ache. Sigh.

• This week was state testing. For some reason, each day I'd leave more tired after work than I would on a regular day. The odd part is that 1) I wasn't teaching, just monitoring, and 2) we had 4 hour days all week long.
• Granted, I wasn't sleeping well because of the Sick that has infested this house, but it was just strange that I was that tired after a shortened day.
• I decided to see if it was the extra walking I was doing, so I got an app to check the distance I traveled during the day. I was walking over 2 miles around my classroom!

• Tomorrow is Is.aac's Goddaughter's first Communion. Sadly, the Sick has made the boys and I not be able to go.
• Boo.
• Not.

• FINALLY, as of TODAY, we got the authorizations for the big boys' walkers. To say getting this done has been an ordeal is an understatement.
• I have been calling the doctor's office (idiots) and the medical equipment supplier (nicer but I still wonder if they are not idiots, too) every other day for a month. I was about ready to pull my freaking hair out.
• They will be ordered tomorrow, and then we wait AGAIN for them to come in. Sh.awn's comes from New York (of course, why wouldn't it?) and will likely take the longest. Who knows about Ja.son's.
• I did call my medical group to see how to complain about the doctor. I have to call the insurance company to file my complaint. You can bet I will be doing that next week.

• The boys' case manager at C...C...S finally called back yesterday. It only took three calls and a complete week for her to do it. Despite leaving her ONLY my cell phone number on my messages, she called the land line while I was at work. So...nothing has happened on that front yet.

• Did you know that Shutterfly is giving away a free 8x10 photo book? Head over here to get one for yourself! (Just sign up for a free account or sign in to your own account and it will automatically be added to your account. You have until May 29th to use the credit.

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers!

Wanted

Wanted: Voice of Reason
Stacie's brain is now accepting applications for a full-time voice of reason. Must be willing to work nights and during any time Stacie's brain has the opportunity to wander. Applicants must be sympathetic and warm yet firm and no nonsense. Duties to include providing reasonable responses for obsessive/worried/panicked thoughts, removing said negative thoughts (either literally or figuratively, whichever the case may warrant), and hiding the computer/iPhone when necessary. Experience not expected, but it is helpful. Salary negotiable depending on efficacy. Position to be filled immediately.

---

I totally need a shut off valve for this brain of mine. Or someone to slap me silly. Maybe I need both?

Yep. That about sums things up nicely. Sigh.

Not the Kind of Parent I Thought I'd Be

Every child grows and learns at his or her own rate. All that really matters is that they learn. I get that, I really do. If I had a conversation with you on this very topic, I'd even give you anecdotes and research confirming the validity of that theory. Shoot, I've lived this idea with the big boys.

And yet, I have to confess that I can't quite break myself from the panic that sets in when Jack doesn't meet a given milestone by a given time. If a baby site (like the bu.mp's month by month emails) says kids at a certain age should be doing xyz, holy hell I work myself up to a frenzy if Jack hasn't yet done whatever it was. Apparently, I am hyper vigilant about milestones this time around.

As much as I try not to, I start to sweat if he is two seconds late on reaching any given achievement. (Except walking. I am not concerned that he doesn't yet walk. Odd, right? You'd think I'd be really anxious about that one, but alas it doesn't phase me at all.) I research online, type in annoying questions such as "my son is only saying momma and dada should I be concerned" or "my child won't wave bye-bye." Most of the time, I can rationalize the answer before I even type in the stupid question, but I just can't seem to stop myself from doing it anyway. Sigh.

This afternoon, I tried calling Jack by his name only to be completely ignored by him. Over and over. Cue freak out. Again.

Back to go.ogle I went. Sigh. Up popped all of kinds of 'warnings for autism' sites, and well...I freaked even more. I even ended up taking a quiz.

In the end, I took him to his room and called his name and he responded appropriately. I was HUGELY relieved. Like almost in tears relieved. I guess trying to test his response to his name while the television is playing Bub.ble Gup.pies might not have been the most accurate of tests. What a surprise that as a male he'll tune the female out if he is absorbed by the television.

Even with all that is going right with our family right now, I can't shake the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop. A shoe that scares me most is one that would land on Jack. It's not because I love him more, because I can honestly say I don't love him more than his brothers. I have a connection and bond to Jack that is unique, just as the connections I have to each of his brothers are unique. None of those connections is greater than the others. None of those connections are any weaker, either. They are different but the same, if that makes sense.

I'm not the kind of parent I thought I'd be. My fear has made me hesitant and unsure at times. I question myself more with Jack than I did with the big boys. With the big boys, I was in survival mode and called getting through the day a success. With Jack, I'm not in survival mode. I can't merely make it through the day and feel like I am doing a good job as a parent. I want to do everything right...make everything go well...and I am incredibly hard on myself when things are not as easy or natural as my head says they should be.

All of this, I suppose, highlights my desperate need for Jack to be that taste of "normalcy" in a world that is often flipped and turned and upside down. (Please understand that I do think of the big boys as "normal," too, but parenting them has been not always been easy or what I'd consider the "norm.") The thought of that "normalcy" being taken away brings a lump to my throat and knocks the air out of me.

I know that it is beyond unfair to him (and his brothers) to place this kind of responsibility on him, but I have. I also know that the whole idea of "normalcy" is a fallacy. What's normal to you, may not be to me and all of that jazz...

But, even though I know all of that, I feel the need for normal all the same.

Friday Night Leftovers

• I still have been able to reach the boys' case manager to ask wtf is going on with this notice. It is beyond annoying that I've called twice and left messages and have heard nothing. Ugh.
• I did write the appeal letter and resent all the paperwork via certified mail. I could have driven the paperwork to their office, but I decided that I still would not have any proof that I actually delivered it. At least with certified mail I have that documentation. As you can tell, I have a lot of confidence in this place. Sigh.
• I am still beyond pissed off about the whole thing.

• Ja.son woke up with a "broken" nose as he calls it. His nose was stuffy and his throat hurt. It looks like another round of The Sick is here.
• It is a little bit too coincidental that the boys get sick about 48 hours after going to school. Every. Single. Time. they get sick.
• When one gets sick, it is just a matter of time before they all get sick.
• It is getting old.
• I half-joked that I should make the boys wear face masks and follow them around with disinfectant while they are there. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Can't you just see me with a can of Lysol and Clorox wipes? lol. That wouldn't look the least bit odd, would it?

• Work has been pretty hard. We were notified this week there are going to be a lot of changes next year. The running count so far: new principal (ours sent to another school), new assistant principal (promoted to principal at another school), new librarian (forced to retire), new head custodian (fired due to shady business), and the entire kitchen staff (also fired due to shady business). I have a hunch that there are at least three or four other people on the chopping block. Most of these changes were needed and long overdue, but it is sad to see people loose their livelihoods even if it's because of their own stupidity.
• One frustrating thing is that there is a lot of cloak and dagger, secretive, 'don't tell anyone what is going on' kind of stuff occurring right now. I am privy to insider information on a lot of it (because of who I am connected to and my position there), and well the whole way things are happening leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
• While I am not opposed to change, and for the most part see it as a good thing, I already have the sense that this will somehow create more work for me. I have enough work to do as it is without adding extra crap into the mix.
• The people I work with do not do change well.

• I'm thinking about dyeing my hair dark brown. I'm chicken, not because I'm worried about my hair, but because I would also need to dye my eyebrows. That part makes me nervous. lol.

I Swear It's a Conspiracy

Be warned. This is another curse filled vent.

Today I got a notice in the mail saying that C..C..S has now denied the boys services (read therapy!) because "I" failed to complete their requested documents. That is bullshit, of course, because I sent the documents in last month. I am anal about such shit, actually.

I have copies of all the forms, but still. Now I have to go to added trouble of writing a fucking appeal letter describing why this judgement is in error. While I don't expect there to be an issue in the long run, (good grief there better not be or you'll likely read about me in the paper) it is just another thing that I have to do because someone somewhere didn't do their fucking job.

Again.

Fuckers.

I suppose I could just walk the paperwork down to the office and input our information into their computers myself. Maybe that would save a step. You know, do the work upfront rather than after the fact.

Ugh. I am so annoyed I could just spit. Or throw things. Or cry.

Sigh.

Add this letter to finding out that I am going to get yet another principal next year (I think this will be the 20th admin change while I've been at this school) and receiving a jury summons today...and well, I am glad this day is over.