Touched

I suppose it is inevitable that someone in our lives will be touched by this virus. Many of us probably now know someone who is probable or maybe even positive. Maybe fewer of us have already been touched by a death. It's a warped waiting game until we know who that someone in our lives will be and how close the relation will be.

We've learned that someone in Isaac's family is in the ICU on the ventilator. So sad. Sigh.

And yet, life continues. For us, that means celebrating our littlest, who turned 9 today. His desire for a party (his first time asking for one) put on hold until we can actually hold a party if we ever can at all. Schools are closed through May 1, but the governor said in this evening's update that they don't expect the peak of illnesses here until April 26. There's no way we're going back on May 1 if that is the case. No friend visits for the foreseeable future for any of us.

It's easy for us to understand, but it's a bit harder for a 9 year old to grasp. I'm not sure what could be done about that except to keep on keeping on, right?

We celebrated him as a family. He was thrilled overall with everything. For now, that is more than enough for all of us.

Something

Funny how hard it is to find something productive to do with myself when there actually is all the time in the world to actually find that something to do. Yes, I am working. We're making the transition to online learning, which is much easier for me to do than others I've found. I integrated plenty of technology into my curriculum. We regularly used online tools and platforms in class. However, it is quite clear that many of my fellow teachers were not doing the same. I've been fielding calls all day long about how to this or that online.

And yes, I am helping the boys with their schooling. S's learning takes more attention and direction from me as he needs the direct learning support, so I do spend a while focused on him. The littlest is a bit adhd, so he needs some one on one time as well. J, thankfully, is quite self sufficient, which is helpful.

Still there is a lot of time left in the day. Time that I could be doing so much more than I am currently doing. I sit down and get lost in the television or FB or email, and before I know it, the day is gone. I'm not even playing games on my phone any more. It's strange.

Supposedly being in a state of trauma response is exhausting. Avoidance is the coping strategy when a person feels powerless. I don't know that I would say what I am feeling is a sense of powerlessness, but maybe that's it? I don't know.

The time does remind me of how I felt when I was on bed rest back when I was pregnant with the twins. All those weeks doing nothing but moving from the bed to the couch to the bathroom. I had so much time then, too, but ended up doing nothing with it.

I've decided I need to find something fun to do this weekend. I need the outlet. I need to feel like I've accomplished something...anything. Here's hoping I find it.

Day 12

Tomorrow is day 14 since I was with my coworker who was likely Covid positive. (They won't test her because she no longer had a fever.) It is such a relief that I can put that behind me somewhat.

There are now 50 diagnosed cases in our county. 5 have been diagnosed in our city. As we all know, the number is likely much higher, but you can't diagnose unless you actually test people. We're just doing our thing to keep ourselves safe. That's all anyone can do.

The boys and I haven't been out of the house beyond our back yard since the 14th. Isaac went to the pharmacy on the 17th. We did do an instacart order today, but we could have held off longer than this. When I was setting up my order, it said the earliest delivery I could get was on Monday the 30th, so I put submitted the order yesterday to save the spot. I was pretty surprised to get notified they were going to shop and deliver it today instead. Lol. Oh well. After decontaminating everything like I'm some kind of crazy person, we are now supplied for another week or two.

Homeschooling is going well for the boys. J had his first Zoom meeting today. He has another one scheduled for tomorrow. S has his first Zoom meeting tomorrow. (Not sure exactly how that will go. lol) I have a staff meeting via Google Meet tomorrow. We're all still doing "enrichment" activities, so the meetings are basically giving the kids a chance to see each other and check in with their teachers. I can't do any type of virtual meetings with my students yet because the district hasn't been able to deploy devices and hot spots to students yet. (I'd say 40-50% of my students do not have access to a device and/or internet at home to use for online learning.)

Day 9

It's maddening to me that there are so many people who completely disregard the stay put and social distancing mandates. A neighbor of ours threw a party today, complete with loud music and lots of people. It took everything in me not to yell something at them while they were partying it up. How dare they? They have such little respect for anyone else that they'd continue to gamble with large groups and put others in danger. It's so selfish.

~~~

We watched The Greatest Showman this evening. It's a particular favorite of Jack's. He loves the music and sings the entire way through the movie. Tonight, I didn't feel the joy watching Jack sing that I usually do. The characters sang "This Is Me" declaring they're "who they're meant to be," all I could think about is how cruel the world is toward those who are different. In 150 years, people really are not that much more accepting than they were then.

My family is one that is different, and for the first time I'm feeling scared of those differences. It isn't because of my boys. I think they are amazing just the way they are. But to other people, often people only see those differences. Many times, people will see past the differences to the uniqueness within, but that doesn't always happen.

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We've been in practicing social distancing in this state for 9 days. The news is one story after another on how it is wreaking havoc on countries, on communities, on hospitals. Supplies are running short and hospitals are overrun with illness which is causing those who are in charge to make heartbreaking decisions about who they can or will help.

Age has already become a factor in who gets treated. Some hospitals will no longer help those 60 and above.

60! There is so much living left to do at 60.

It makes my mind swim at the thought of what other kinds of arbitrary parameters might be established to keep up with the demands placed on hospitals.

It's age now, but what will the next factor be?

When I let my mind go to those dark places, I wonder. We're already different. If it came down to it, would my kids' differences be a deciding factor against them?

~~~

My neighbors' party. People playing sports in the park. Crowds at the beach. People determined to go see the cherry blossoms...

All of it makes me angry.

All of it adds to potential exposure and infection.

All of puts the lives of others in danger and potentially forces decisions that shouldn't have to be made.

Well This Week Was a Long Year

This was quite the week.

• Last Friday, we were told after school started that my school would follow the county's guidelines be out for this week (3/16-3/20). We were told at that time to take our computer and charger and not come back. It was later confirmed that the boys' district would also follow the county's guidelines and also take this week off.
• On Saturday, the local newspaper published that a student in our district was "presumed" positive for Covid-19. Based on that information, my district decided we would out of school through the end of our spring break, or 4/20. Work assigned to students was expected although we were told the work would not be graded and was only enrichment.
• On Sunday, we were notified that the student tested positive on their first test, but did not test positive on either of two subsequent tests, so was no longer "presumed" to have the virus. Great news for the student and their family!
• By Wednesday, we were notified that all districts in the county would be out of school through May 1, and that we would be moving to e-learning for the time after after spring break and for as long as we are out of school. We were also told there is a strong possibility we will not return to school this school year. 
• On Thursday, our governor called a state wide stay-home order, effective that night.
• On Friday, I was notified by my co-worker who teaches in the room next door to me that she is "presumed" positive by her doctor, but she did not have currently have a fever so they would not test her to confirm. She had all the other symptoms including some digestive issues. Yes, I worked with her regularly. Yes, it is quite possible I was exposed, although she had been sick, so I know I kept a further distance than I might have otherwise. (I have 5 more days until the 14 day incubation period is up. Fingers crossed.)

So, yeah. There has been a lot going on. 

I am trying to give myself and those around me grace because this time is challenging for all of us. I am not one who does well with uncertainty, though. I like to have a clear plan and move in a forward direction. In times like these, however, clear plans hard to come by. 

Obviously, the focus is on making sure the boys are set. I want to make sure they have "something" educational to do and create the structure they need to thrive without stressing us all out. I've set out some pretty basic expectations for the week: As of now, weekends are free from work as a normal weekend would be. For Monday through Friday, our goal is to complete reading (min. 30 minutes a day), academics (min. 1 hour a day), creativity time (min. 1 hour a day), chores (approx. 30 min. a day), and we're trying a new program computerized program to help work on calming skills. 

My goal is to limit tech time during the week, and I think we've done a decent job on that. We purchased some Chromebooks for the boys to use for their academic work. 

They boys (who are now 12 and almost 9 and in 6th grade and 3rd grades) seem to be taking everything in stride right now. I'm happy about that. We've even managed to avoid the dreaded "I'm bored, mom," this week. I'm happy about that, too.

What I am sad about is how this is impacting S. He is the one who is least adaptive to change in his routine. Plus, we fought his school district SO HARD to get them to implement the strategies and services he needs so he can thrive. It's taken us years of  state complaints, mediation, advocates, lawyers, meetings, and time to get to this place. We just finished completing a pretty solid IEP for him three weeks ago...and now this. Sigh. While I am glad that I get this opportunity to work with him myself (Isaac, too - he may be a special ed teacher at heart) I'm just frustrated with the break in the other services we can't provide. Sigh.

It was mentioned to me by another blogging buddy that maybe we should get back to this blogging thing. We are living through a historical time here. I'm sure it will be interesting to be able to look back on all that happened during this time. 

May we all stay safe and healthy.