Friday Night Weekend Leftovers

Went painting with two good friends today. I love that although given the same instructions, our pictures were so different. lol

As fun as it is, I can't see myself doing this many more times. What would I do with all of the paintings? As it is, I have no idea what to do with the ones I've already done!

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I'd appreciate some good thoughts. There has been a strong lead for a job for dh. He needs this for his sanity. I need this for mine.

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I finally broke down and transitioned Jack out of his crib. I had to bypass the toddler bed because he's so freaking big and go straight to a twin bed. While I was at it, I updated the whole thing. He is in love with his new room.

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How can our summer be half over already?

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One of our fish died Thursday night. He's been "off" for a while now, so much so that there were a few times over the last several weeks when I thought he was dead. He'd perk up a little later and act fine again.

I was traumatized by the poor fish. It was clear that he was fighting a losing battle. He was barely breathing and then have a big spurt of energy for a bit. The process went on and on...it was horrible. For the life of me, I just couldn't leave it. The thought of him dying alone just made me so, so sad. My head would tell me I was all upset over a fish. My heart wouldn't listen. Clearly I have issues.

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Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers

When You Leave the Cave, You Run Into Stupidity

For the longest time, I think we lived somewhat of a hermit life. A lot of that can be attributed to the fact it was just easier to stay in our little cave when we had two, and then three boys in tow, but there were some other factors at play. The big boys' lack of proficiency and stamina with their walkers was one reason. Some lingering sensory issues was another. Jack's tendency to run away was yet another. (I even tried one of those leash things, but he broke it the first time he used it. Sigh.)

Anyway, now that many of the obstacles we faced are easing, we are out and about more and more. Leaving the house is great and freeing and stressful and tiring all rolled into one. I generally come back with a stiff neck and a headache, although I am still usually glad we went on the day's adventure.

I find that the problem is rarely the boys' behavior. They LOVE going places and talking to people. I am incredibly proud of how polite and pleasant they are to everyone they meet.

No, it's not my boys that makes me hold my breath for our entire trip. My muscles ache and my nerves are shot because of other people we encounter along the way. The people who rudely (and loudly) comment to their younger, smaller children that "No, you're waaaaaaay too big to ride in the cart!" as we pass. Clearly, the comment was in reference to my boys who were sitting in the red, double seated cart. (I love Tar.get's carts!) Or the "What's wrong with him?" comments. Or even the woman who tried to stop me outside of a restaurant to give me her business card because she thought her hyperbaric oxygen chamber would be "just the thing" to help our boys' "funny" walk. (Oh. yes. she. did. Again, this was said within earshot of my boys. AS IF we would follow the information given to us by some random stranger on the street, even. Let's just say I was not nice to her.)

Do they think we aren't doing enough? That they have the quick fix to solve all of our problems and we are too inept to find the answers on our own?

Why anyone, especially someone who doesn't even know us, feels he or she should actually open his/her mouth to suggest anything unsolicited blows my mind. Yet it is happening more and more.

I would never go out of my way to say anything that could be received negatively by someone else. I am certainly not doling out parenting advice (as if I have all the answers anyway) or commenting on things that are not my business. What would either of those things do other than cause hurt?

For the life of me, I just can't understand the mentality that seems to prevail right now. People seem to think that they can and should tell us (and others) whatever crosses their minds. I guess I can see why people would be freer to say stupid things on the internet with the anonymity, lack of proximity thing, but to do it in real life? To people you don't know?

Why does what we do matter to anyone else anyway? We aren't loud or distracting or anything else. We are just out minding our own business.

All we are is slightly different.

I can't help but feel we're being judged because of it. What we do/how we look is judged.
People don't know how to handle differences; they're afraid of them. I know that. Do our differences give people the perceived right to judge us? I don't know. But I do know people show their ignorance in their words and behavior. Often.

Do people know they cause hurt when they say critical things to strangers? Do they care?

Probably not, I guess, otherwise they'd say nothing.

Why don't they care?

It does bug me that the few can so easily sour my mood or make me think twice about doing something before heading out. I hate that their rudeness affects me and our family like this.

Sigh.

I know I should just grow a thicker skin and not let it get to me. I'm trying, really I am.

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Thankfully this behavior isn't shared by everyone. There are many more people who embrace our family with conversation and smiles. People who remember us and pick up conversations right up from where they last left off. People who fight for our (and our boys') happiness. I am so grateful for these people!

Bless You

We had just finished our ice cream and had wandered around the shops to the fountain.  I had Jack and Ja.son with me.

They splashed in the fountain water and asked for coins to throw into the shallow water. I gave them each a penny. There were two plops and some giggles from them as they watched their coins float to the bottom.

"Mom, I wished I can live forever," Ja.son said, "but I need another coin for a second wish."

"What do you want to wish for this time," I asked as I handed him my last penny.

"I want to wish that I never get this full again. I am stuffed!" he laughed as he tossed his coin.

After a few minutes, we started back to the table where Sh.awn and Is.aac were sitting. Both were still finishing the last of their ice cream while we were gone.

We had only made it a few feet when I heard someone say, "Bless  you, ma'am." There really wasn't any other "ma'ams" around so I assumed they were meant for me. I looked for the source of the words.

They came from a young man in what I would guess was his early twenties. He had just following an older man out of one of the shops and was walking right behind us.

"Excuse me?" I replied, still uncertain why he said anything at all.

"Bless you," the young man said again. "I know it's hard taking care of someone with a disability." He pointed at his companion. With this second glance I could see the older man was slightly hunched at the shoulders; his facial features suggested that there was also some genetic condition at play.

We walked a few more steps while I took it all in. I gently prompted Jay to walk a bit faster while I picked up Jack.

"May I ask what's wrong with him?" the young man said, obviously oblivious that both my boys could hear and understand everything he said.

My mind raced through many responses, most of which were not very kind. My momma bear instincts were in full force. He's talking about Ja.son. How dare he suggest something was wrong? He walks with a walker, who cares? Besides, it's very possible he is involved with some sort of disability himself. He should KNOW this kind of conversation is off putting and downright rude. I was angry and I wanted nothing more than to walk away.

But I knew there were little ears listening--ears that miss nothing, that internalize everything. How I responded was important. Yet again, I was woefully unprepared for dealing with this kind of situation.

"Nothing is wrong with him," I finally said. "He was born very early and now has cerebral palsy because he was so sick at birth. He's one of my miracles, and I am very proud of him. Right, Jay?"

"Right." Ja.son replied.

I looked over at the young man. He smiled. "You are very blessed," he said as he walked away.

"I know I am," I said to myself as we walked back to our table.

Weekend Leftovers

Yesterday my mom and I went to a local studio where you get to replicate the day's feature painting. I am not. by any means, a "painter," but I was relatively satisfied with my final painting (except for my clouds--I am not satisfied with my clouds!).

Anyway, I brought the painting home to show the boys. The big boys oohed and ahhed appropriately and then promptly took the painting to use as a backdrop for the cars they had lined up on an imaginary highway. So, I'm not exactly sure how impressed they were in the long run. lol.

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I'm in the process of turning my hair color back to blonde. It has been just under a year of dark brown. I didn't have a problem with the color, but the upkeep of dark hair was tiring. The blonde roots always looked grey to me, even when I don't think it was exactly. I felt like I always needed to color my roots because of it.

Anyway, last year was tough for a multitude of reasons, so I think the dark color let me escape a tiny bit. While this year hasn't been any less tense or stressful, I'm feeling it's time to get back to the true me. I think that means something, don't you?

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Sh.awn may make me lose my mind. He has all of my buttons mapped out, and he systematically pushes them one by one throughout the day. To make matters worse, he refuses to let Is.aac do anything for him without a major meltdown. I can't even tell you the number of times I've had to walk away from him because he was acting insane.

Dude. 6 may just do me in.

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This list of things the author wished she knew about raising boys had me nodding my head all the way through. I found #8 to be hard for the longest time as there were two female family members born within two months of Jack and they just seemed so advanced SOOOO early. Thankfully I am over that head trip now. My boy is awesome in his own unique ways, ways that they are not. ;)

And let's not forget number 4...jeez.

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Thursday would have been Is.aac's work anniversary. He moped around and was grouchy all day long. He finally declared in desperation that he had to find a job. He was shocked when I pointed out the significance of the day. Sigh.

Good thoughts for a job soon would be appreciated.

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Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Good Things

These things are good...

bubbles on a warm summer day,



faces covered in chalk,

flying through the air,

notes on the fridge left by Ja.son,

snuggles captured on selfies,

dirt angels,

balloon animals,

kisses,

more kisses,

and homemade ice cream in a bag.

 

I want to remember these moments always.

 

I'm feeling really, really grateful for all my boys tonight.