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My mil was diagnosed with dementia several years ago, and while she and I have never been close, it is still painful heartbreaking to watch someone experience this journey. The decline hasn't been linear, so we never know how she'll be impacted from day to day.
Family dynamics are often a challenge during good times, so it isn't surprising that when things get hard, the cracks will show. And they have--oh boy have they. As much as I wish it didn't, it also brings out some resentment on my part. There is a part of me that resents the attention mil now requires after a lifetime of her having little to do with us...when my own mother devoted so much of herself to us and in the end received so much less. I so wish she were here with us.
It will be two years Sunday.
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One thing about my boys’ school district is that they do really well celebrating those who excel. They invite kids to board meetings and have big ceremonies and such. These kids get t-shirts and hats and certificates and praise on a regular basis. Kids can flourish in that kind of environment. I have a kid who is celebrated at every turn. He is so, so smart, so it is nice to see that others recognize that, too! If I only had kids who excel, I’d likely be very impressed with their district.
The thing is, not all kids excel or find school easy. Some struggle...and it is with that population that I’ve found their district is woefully ill equipped. The kids who give it their all, yet still fall short of the upper 10% seldom get recognition at all (and certainly don’t from the district itself). Kids plugging away and being their best selves can be ignored. Kids with learning differences who need a bit more than others to make the learning field accessible and fair can be pushed aside. I also have a kid who struggles, who works harder than any kid I know. He is so, so smart, and it's heartbreaking to see that others fail to recognize that in him. Getting what he needs has become a costly battle—we are in due process with the boys' school district. After years of trying to do what I could to get the school to accommodate my kid, we ultimately hired an advocate in 2017. It has been a continuous back and forth for the district to ultimately say they'd no longer agree to anything without litigation. The lawyer is now doing his thing. But honestly? Why should it take thousands of dollars to get the school district to do what they should have been doing all along? It isn’t because we want for our kid to have better than everyone else. It’s because we want “accessible.” And if it is this hard for some with a MA (in administration even!) to get what her kid needs, what is it like for those without a background in education? I know the answer to that.
It’s easy to celebrate the creme de la creme. I think to impress me, there needs to be a push beyond that. To impress me, there should be more done for those who struggle the most—not because they are forced, but because they know it’s the right thing to do. To impress me, all kids should be given what’s needed for them to flourish, and it shouldn't take a lawsuit to get to that point.
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House hunting in our area is not for the faint of heart. We've been looking, although not aggressively right now since last summer. Apparently I have expensive tastes. lol. Hopefully the right place in our budget will reveal itself soon.
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I've been dreaming a lot lately, which for me to both remember what I've been dreaming and have it reoccur over is unusual.
People have been chasing me as I desperately try to run away.
I'm running through sludge as I try, unsuccessfully, to chase my kid as he saunters down the street away from me. (And it isn't the kid who would be sauntering that I'm chasing. Just saying)
I've had to get somewhere important only to end up sitting in my car, snarled in a traffic jam, watching the clock tick down to the appointment time.
Each night the scenario is slightly altered, yet the feeling is always the same. I need to be somewhere/do something yet can't do what has to be done.
Dr. Go.og.le tells me that I am feeling powerless or lacking self-confidence. Wonder why? Sigh.
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