Finally

(This is a follow up on Sh.awn's IEP meeting.)

At the end of October, we had the boys' initial IEP meeting. (You remember, the one with SEVENTEEN people sitting around talking about my boys.)

For months now, I've been going back and forth with the school district. My sticking points were that they arrived at a very low result for Sh.awn's IQ. I also disagreed with some of the verbiage they used to describe some of Sh.awn's behaviors. When I signed the paperwork to allow testing, I knew there might possibly be a lower result than what I'd suspect his true IQ would be. I based that assumption on my gut feeling he has an expressive language disability. So, I thought of be prepared if it actually happened. Unfortunately, the number they produced for my boy was so far skewed that there is NO WAY it is a valid indication of his mental ability. (Actually, it was nothing short of insulting.) The psych, herself, even stated that she felt it underrepresented his ability.

While it was at least (a small) something that she added that statement, I could not allow something like this become part of his permanent record. My gut just knew there would be nothing to stop future educational settings from going back to that one number and using it to make judgments about Sh.awn's ability and/or his future educational path. That possibility was definitely not something I could ever be comfortable with. Plus, for him to qualify for other services in the future, there must be a discrepancy between his ability and his potential. With a number like this, there would never be a discrepancy. They'd expect nothing from him.

My boy who is working at grade level right now.

My boy who is sounding out words and attacking reading. Look at this!

My boy who has had every single person who works with him say he is a pretty bright kid.

My boy who already has to fight for everything. He should not have to fight for an appropriate shot at learning.

So, I refused to sign the IEP.

They got all huffy about how he wasn't receiving the services he needs! The services that will help him! What I was asking was unethical! Blah, blah, blah.

I countered with the fact that we started this process LAST JANUARY. It has been a year of dealing with this because of how they initially responded to my request to test him. Waiting a few more weeks until my concerns were adequately addressed was not going to hurt him any more. And look! He's on grade level academically ANYWAY.

Today we met with all of the district special ed big wigs. They moved the meeting from the school to the district office. (Trying to intimidate much?) They tried to convince me that they can't change the report. What about retesting him? (Hell no.) What about signing it and noting what we disagree with on the IEP? (Hello? How does that prevent any of my concerns?)

I stayed firm and refused.

They went back to the report to review. I explained my concern that this IQ score was calculated even though he failed to even attempt approximately half of the test and his behavior was such that he made it clear he was over answering the her questions relatively quickly. There is no way you can have an accurate result in that kind of situation?

I didn't back down, but eventually they did. They pulled all of the testing results that I refuted from his IEP. (I strongly believe they should never have included the results in their current form anyway.) They removed all of the areas in the report that I asked to have removed.

I feel better. His forms are now officially signed.

And Is.aac said I missed my calling as a lawyer. He swears he saw sweat appear on the lip of one of their "directors." LOL

Maybe

Their due date was this week. It quietly eased passed without anyone really even noticing.

Maybe this year I spent less time thinking about the what ifs.

Maybe I didn't have that familiar sour stomach that usually comes around this time of year.

Maybe it was just a regular day.

The same as every other day.

Only not.

I made cupcakes that day.

Told the boys I made them for no particular reason. They insisted there was a reason...cupcakes need a reason to be had, I guess, especially when made during the work week. In the end, I told them they were just so we celebrate us as a family.

I didn't have another reason. I don't really know why I made them.

Maybe I wanted some chocolate, my go to comfort food.

Maybe I just needed to.

Maybe there was a part of me that wished we were celebrating a birthday that day.

That we had no idea what words like prematurity and cerebral palsy would mean to our family.

 Maybe I just needed to pretend for a second that things had gone just as we planned.

Maybe I'm not as okay about this day as I'd like to say I am.

Friday Night Leftovers

So here it is Saturday again. Days are slipping by so quickly. I can hardly keep up with them.

~~~

Trying hard not to think about (and dwell on, as is my norm) all of this "Is.aac got laid off" business. I find myself thinking about (and dwelling on) some pretty odd things as a distraction.

First, I decided that the person at my district office who decided that my classroom should get no warmer than 65* is a sadist. (I know, I'm a wimp. What can I say? I'm from California.) I am a person who prefers to keep her surroundings a balmy 75* and still finds the need to be under a blanket or wear a sweatshirt, so being forced to be in a much colder room all day has been challenging.

My cold classroom has led to some serious fantasizing about creating a battery operated electric blanket jumpsuit. It doesn't have to be pretty, it just has to function. Then maybe I could make it through the day at work without feeling like I need to run home by lunch to take a super hot shower in an attempt to get warm.

Also, I apparently now work with some disgusting people and they all seem to use the bathroom I use. Really, these people are adults and therefore should 1) have some decency and 2) clean up after themselves when they make a mess. Gag.

It is wrong on so many levels, but I now look at every person who enters the bathroom (I can see the door from my classroom) as if they are the evil bathroom defiler. This has never been an issue in years past, so the newer staff members are high on my list of possible suspects.

I need to find a better use of my time, obviously.

~~~

Wednesday was the last day for Sh.awn's PT of three years. She has been SO good with Sh.awn. She knows just how to motivate him and never lets him get away with the aversion nonsense the OT allows. When Sh.awn's with this PT, he works the entire time.

They don't have anyone to replace her yet, so they are scrambling at the therapy unit. For the time being, we'll be working with the supervisor, who I would argue is the weakest PT there. I've watched her treat some other kids while we've been there, and she leaves a lot to be desired.

We are stuck with this person because there just isn't any other option unless we go the private route (with a $30 copay for each PT and OT session). I just hope that they find an amazing replacement very, very soon.

~~~

I played hooky from work on Friday. I got the boys up and took them to my mom's like they would normally do, came back home, and then slept for another 2.5 hours. It. Was. Glorious.

Then I read most of a book and took an uninterrupted shower (heaven!) before I went to pick them up.

It was a much needed break from the world.

~~~

The boys go back to school on Monday. Sh.awn's feeling a bit nervous about the transition. He's been acting up quite a bit, always with wanting to go over the schedule for next week shortly after he's done something. He wants to go back, but changes to his routine really throw him. Sigh.

Ja.son is excited to go see his little girl friend. He doesn't comment on being excited about anything else. lol.

~~~

I have two field trips this upcoming week. What was I thinking?

~~~
Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Uncertain

I brought in the New Year vomiting my guts out, while my poor Jack, periodically took his turn vomiting with me. We were quite the miserable pair.

What a way to punctuate the end of a decently crappy year. Sigh. So long 2013. You sucked.

~~~

Someone I know told me that what you are doing the first day of the new year is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year. I certainly hope that's wrong.

But as much as I am trying to ignore that comment, there's a tiny part of me that wonders if it really will just be more of the same. What if this cloud of doom I feel like we're traveling under won't go away in the foreseeable future?

Then what?

I mean, there really is only one thing to do. You tilt your head down and just keep doing what you can. I'm good at that. I've been doing it for a long, long time.

It's tiring, though, this keep on doing business. It wears you down and sucks out some of the joy--not all of it, mind you, but enough to make you aware that something is missing.

~~~

Things around here are still up in the air. To be honest, uncertainty is not a state in which I do well. I like answers. I like the details. I like plans. Not having those three things causes a huge amount of stress for me.

The realization that all of the elements are out of my hands right now, is hugely stressful, but I'm trying to release my stress over that which I cannot control. It's Is.aac's ball game right now, and as much as I want everything solved, it has to come from him. It's a hard place to be.

So, I'm left with tucking in my chin and doing. Like usual.