When We Do Things, We Go All Out

So how many people do you need at a kindergarten IEP meeting times two? Let's see...

1) Kinder teacher (for S and J)
2) principal (for S)
3) vice principal (for S and J)
4) psych (for S and J)
5) OT (for S and J)
6) PT (I have dubbed her Bitch 2. Ahem. for S and J)
7) Speech (for S)
8) Vision specialist (ended up being worthless - for S)
9) Resource Teacher (who will take over as case manager - for S and J)
10) Behavior Specialist (for S)
11) Behavior specialist's administrator (to write the behavior goal - which he's already met, but we're leaving for the year just in case - for S)
12) nurse (Behold Bitch 1. Double Ahem - for S and J)
13) district special ed coordinator (for S and J)
14) OI specialist (from district level - for S and J)
15) some other lady who I can't even remember and I'm too tired to go look - she was district level, though. Not sure how. The district was totally out of compliance in a big way, so she was making sure they stayed in compliance now. (for S and J)
16) my husband
17) me

It was INSANE.

INSANE.

Total meeting time for both was 3.5 hours. Sh.awn's was at least 2.5 hours. Maybe more. Ja.son's was under an hour, I know for sure.

I tell you, when we do things, we go all out. There's no half-assing it around these parts, no sir.

Sigh.

There was so much info, and while I'd say overall it was okay I guess, there were some things that are bugging me and I'll need to address. Some of the assessments were done when Sh.awn was struggling so much and are basically invalid (and wrong in some cases) in my opinion. I still have to figure out how I want to handle that.

 

I think they are well intentioned for the most part. The principal redeemed herself somewhat. They are going to make actual modifications to the kinder room (new faucet and adaptor for the toilet) to allow Ja.son to be completely independent. Two, the nurse and PT, did piss me off, however, so they are in my watch list. I asked Is.aac if he got the same vibe from them, and he agreed that they were just plain bitchy. I may have got a bit sarcastic and said that perhaps his father and I have a better understanding of our own child than they did and to back the fuck off. You know, minus the fuck part because I know how to be civil.

 

The thing that upsets me most is that he was assessed at the start of the school year when he was having all kinds of behavior issues. That reflected in him not cooperating in some of the big testing (IQ for one). Sigh. He is a different kid in school now, so they'd get a totally different picture of what he is capable of doing if they did the testing now. In fact, they had to rewrite just about every goal they came prepared to offer because he'd already reached them or was just about to all on his own just since school started. (which...um, underestimate my boy much?)
 

We didn't sign anything yet. (They practically crapped their pants when I told them we'd not sign and were taking it home to discuss in private. lol) We'll get our copies tomorrow (they had computer issues and the program kept freezing). Is.aac and I will take the weekend to talk it out with each other and see if there is anything we'd like to tweak.

Sigh.

I'm exhausted. My brain has been fried.

 

Oh, I am not proofing this, so forgive whatever errors you see.

IEP Tomorrow

Our IEP meeting is tomorrow.

I'm overthinking it, I know, but duuuuudddeee. No one wants to go into a meeting to hear about her children's shortcomings. It just plain sucks.

I want to go in there and be pleasantly surprised about how supportive everyone is. I want to hear how they think my kids are awesome and how they can't wait to get started helping them achieve and thrive at school.

I suspect that it won't go that way. I'm 85% certain that I'll have to fight. I'm not feeling like I am at the top of my game so having a fight ahead of me is just overwhelming.

I'll just have to see how it all plays out.

I hate not knowing. Sigh.

Is.aac and I have talked; the plan is set. We'll go in with me being bad cop, and him as good cop. (He's the one who will have more contact with them with drop off, etc.) We have a signal to let the other know our thoughts without saying.

Sometimes I wish I drank alcohol. This would be one of those times when I could use it.

They're SIX!

Today my boys turn six years old. It's unbelievable, really. It seems like just yesterday they were born.

~~~

Goodbye to FIVE, the year of:

• Starting school
• the never ending Sick
• 5 lost teeth and visits from the Tooth Fairy
• playing in the mud, dirt, and sand
• swimming therapy
• learning to read and write
• crafts
• trips to Disney, Sea World, hotels, and the zoo
• big boy beds
• finally putting those pull-ups behind us
• disabled parking placards
• hugs and kisses,
• and so much more!

Five, oh five...this has been a magical year.

 

 

Happy Birthday, Shawn and Jason!

I can't wait to see what year six has in store for you ... and us!

Friday Night Leftovers

Still feeling like I am just seconds away from drowning, but I'm hanging in there.

~~~

The big boys' birthday is Sunday.

Holy shit.

How could they be so close to six years old?

~~~

School is still chugging along for the boys. I think I have a major crush on the boys' teacher. How could I not when she emails me paragraphs every single night? This is part of tonight's email:

"Sh.awn also had a great day. He sat with me for a couple math assessments and was pulled for a vision test (successful & done!). One assessment was writing his numbers 1-10. He said the numbers but wasn't really trying for form of any kind. I'm hopeful we can gain writing support or ideas from the IEP. We continue to see progress so new goals arise and the bar is raised yet again. Now that work is a common occurrence, we will work on improving quality and neatness. If there is any phrasing you use at home to prime him with this in mind, let me know. We can use the same wording since that will make it easier for him. (FYI: We have been aware for some time that he rushes through things to get the reward. I expect some immediate improvements in neatness once we address this.)"

Emails she sends are both updates and problem solving requests, and I really feel like she is going above and beyond to try to help Sh.awn be successful. The big problem now has become his fine motor skills. He can and does write at home with my support (basically I weight his pencil down and make him do the work of forming letters), but now they have moved on to having him form the letters/numbers on his own without the extra "weight" at school because we know he can do it. He's not buying into that idea, though.

~~~

Speaking of IEPs, it's Tuesday. I'm sort of freaking out. I haven't been given any reports or anything about what will be brought up at the meeting, either. I don't exactly like the idea of not knowing what I'm heading into.

I was told by our therapists that the district PT is going to try to say that her providing therapy to the boys while they are at school is a duplication of services and deny it. There's one fight I've got ahead of me.

~~~


I burned my arm on my hair straightener last week. It was really bad, probably the worst burn I've had. Ouch.

~~~

The boys are getting over yet another round of Sick. This one has been especially fun as it had a bit of every bodily malfunction all rolled into one.

I'm totally traumatized. Let me just say diarrhea for a nearly 6 year old child who has difficulty getting on the toilet without help is NOT FUN...for either of us.

For the sake of oversharing, you're welcome, I had to sanitize floors, tub, toilet, clothes and throw away undies because there was no way I'd be able to put them on the boys ever again. Then I daydreamed about bathing in a tub of bleach, only it couldn't be our tub because I don't think I could ever be okay with our tub ever again after what I witnessed in that thing--sanitized or not!

Did I say traumatized? Duuuuudddeee.

Apparently crap like that is my Achilles heel.

Plus, all I could think about while I was cleaning up never ending shit was all of my hangnails and the burn on my arm that I had just left uncovered. My overactive imagination was having a field day with the idea of impending infection.

~~~

I ran out of deodorant this morning. I had to use Is.aac's because there was no way I could make it through the day sans odor control. I can't decide if I am repulsed by having to use someone else's speed stick, or if it is really no big deal. I think the best bet is to not think about it...and get to the store.

~~~

Look at my tough boy with his brother's Dora the Explorer undies on his head.

What you lookin' at?

God, I love that boy.

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

October

Dare I say that things are settling?

In a good way even.

Both the boys are finally doing well in school. My own classes have found their rhythm and are plugging along in a way that makes me feel good. If it weren't for yet another round of the SICK--seriously this is like the 9th cold they've had since school started, and I'd even say that this might be the worst one yet--I'd say that things are going smoothly at home, too.

I should have been starting to relax now that things have found their grooves. For some reason, though, I was in an even higher state of alert than I was at the end of summer.

I didn't want to write. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be by myself, and it is taking a LOT of self talk to get out and do what needs to be done. While I am an introvert by nature, I never really had trouble doing things when something came up, so this was different. The way I've been feeling has been really off; I just couldn't understand what my problem was.

Then yesterday, it hit me.

This is the month. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner.

~~~

Six years ago yesterday, I was admitted to the hospital where I'd spend the next 8 days desperately clinging to the hope I would remain pregnant for a long time to come.

Never once did I think about the calendar or the dates this year. The countdown to the boys' birth, which was always upfront in my mind in past years, never even occurred to me.

Interestingly, although my mind tried to "forget" that time, my body knew. I had a very visceral physical reaction, one that makes me wonder if I'll be okay this time of year ever again.

Will I ever really be able to avoid the punch to the gut this time of year brings? 

Sigh.

~~~

While a lot of that time has slipped into the recesses of my mind (thankfully), there are some things that are still fresh in my memory. I can't tell you any more who the nurses were, but I can tell you what the soap smells like and that it burned my raw and cracked hands every time I used it. I can't tell you about much of the other things I did daily for those 100 days, but I know the exact number of tile squares there are from the hospital door to the first elevator (238). I look at some pictures from that time and don't remember taking them, have no clue the context around what is shown, but it's been six years and I still have occasional moments when I'm haunted by flashes of fear and confusion that time held.

~~~

A week from today the boys will be six. They've been counting down for months; their excitement is almost uncontainable at this point. We have a quiet family celebration planned on Saturday. We're going to the zoo on their actual day. It will be a good weekend, I'm sure.

They're good.

I'm even good...mostly.


There's so much good on which to focus. Really there is. That's what I intend to start doing.

A Blog Award Part 1

I started this two days before the boys started school. Sigh. It's been crazy.

Several days months ago, I received the Leibster Award from a fellow preemie blogger, Handpicked Miracle. Thank you so much, P. I can honestly say it has been years since I've received a blogging award. :) If you haven't read P's blog, you should. She writes about life with her amazing micro preemie. Her posts are always thoughtful and so heartfelt!

The Leibster Award is for bloggers with less than 200 followers.

Nominees are supposed to:

1. answer the questions set for us and link back to P‘s blog

2. share 11 random facts about themselves

3. nominate 5-11 other blogs

4. create 11 questions for them to answer

5. tell them they’ve been nominated.

 

It all seems easy enough, so I thought tonight is a great chance to take my mind off of things.

~~~P's questions for me:

1. What is one place other than where you live now that you would love to live?

I really love living in California. The weather is great, and it is so beautiful. If I couldn't live where I currently live, I think I would just move down the coast to San Diego. I go there fairly regularly for meetings and just love it there.

 

2. What is your favorite quote?

"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are." ~Aurelius Augustine; St. Augustine of Hippo (13 November 354 – 20 August 430)

 

3. What is your favorite/most profound lesson that your preemie(s) have taught you?

This one is hard for me as I continue to learn lessons from my guys. I think at the moment, it has to be that you must be your own (or your children's as the case may be) advocate to ensure you get the medical/therapeutic/educational care you deserve.

I was not one to make waves in my pre-children life. I had definite ideas, but I wouldn't necessarily contradict (verbally at least) what someone else said. I guess I never really felt there was a need to speak my mind in that way. With these guys, though, I've found that I will fight you until I can fight no more should the need arise. I can be a pretty formidable foe when I have to be.

There's a power in knowing you can do what needs to be done, as exhausting and exasperating (to deal with people) as it can be. It's my one way of taking control in something that is so uncontrollable.

 

4. If you could only eat one vegetable for the rest of your life what would it be?

Broccoli. I love it. Of course, those around me don't always love my love for broccoli. Ahem. lol.

 

5. What was your most favorite vacation to date?

I think to date, my favorite vacation would be our latest trip to Disneyland with the boys. It really was great to have us all together and having fun. My favorite non-child trip would be the cruise Is.aac and I took to the Bahamas approximately 10 years ago. It was such a beautiful place and so, so relaxing.

 

6. If any animal could be domesticated safely, what would you want as a pet?

With my allergies acting the way they are, I think I am safer just looking at pictures. I'd be a sneezy, hivy mess if it had fur. I'd be creeped out if it didn't have hair. It would be a no win situation.

 

7. What book can you read over and over without getting tired of it?

One of the first books I fell in love with was Where the Red Fern Grows. My teacher read it to us every day after lunch my fourth grade year. I loved the book, and I loved the way she read it to us. (I can vividly remember the entire room, students and teacher alike, crying at one point.) It now holds a pretty high place on my favorite books ever list, so much so that I try to convince all of my eighth graders to read it.

 

8. What was the last movie you saw in the theater?

Good grief. I almost can't remember the last time we went to the movies. I think it was one of the Harry Potter movies-maybe number 4? I don't know. That's pretty sad, isn't it?

 

9. How would you describe your fashion style?

I am a comfortable/casual kind of girl. I live my life in my jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. For work, you can find me in Dockers and dressier t-shirts. I do own a dress or two, but I don't really get the opportunity to wear them. Thankfully, I'm okay with that!

 

10. What sound irritates you?

I can handle pretty much any sound until it is repeated. The same sound over and over again will drive me insane. It really doesn't matter what the sound is, either.

 

11. What is your favorite holiday?

I love Christmas. I love the anticipation and the decoration and the gift giving. I love thinking about what people would like to have as gifts and buying for others. Receiving thoughtful presents isn't all that bad either. ;)

 

~~~11 random facts about me

1. I have had dark brown hair for months now, but I still sometimes startle myself when I look in the mirror. I am waffling back and forth on whether I want to just go back to blond. We take family pictures in just over two weeks. I need to decide which way I want to go before then.
2. I am not very organized. I just do a good job making it seem like I am.
3. I love my bed. I could stay in bed all day long and be perfectly happy.
4. I am great at starting things. I am not so great at finishing them. Just look at the kitchen remodel we started while I was pregnant with the big boys. The major stuff is completed, it's just all of the little finishes that I can't bring myself to do.
5. I love corn on the cob, but I never eat it. I hate the way it feels when the kernels get stuck in my teeth. I've tried cutting the corn off the cob, but it just isn't the same.
6. My legs are longer than Is.aac's, but he is several inches taller than I am. For some reason, that fascinates me.
7. If I had it to do over again, I think I'd rather teach math instead of what I do.
8. If I had to choose another career all together, I think I'd go into nursing. I think I'd like to be a NICU nurse.
9. I am a horrible procrastinator. Seriously. Horrible. I think too much if I do things early. Waiting until the last moment solves that problem.
10. I think I'm one of the few adults around here that does not drink coffee. I don't like the way it tastes. Even at places like Starbucks or Coffee Bean, I drink the non coffee blended drinks or hot chocolate. I am guilty of drinking Pepsi for my caffeine fix.
11. I can use my toes to pinch, pick up things, and even turn things off/push buttons. It freaks my husband out. lol. Is.aac just about had a cow when he saw Jack can do it, too. I suspect that the big boys would have also had the same ability.

 ~~~Blog Nominations

It seems I am a little (or a lot) behind the times here. Many of the blogs I would have nominated have already received this award or don't qualify because they have too many readers.

1. KJ
2. Tracey
3. Amber
4. Carrie
5. Cathy
6. And you there. Yes, you there. If you are here and you haven't received this award yet, consider yourself nominated. Shoot, I would even love it if you answered some of my questions in the comment section, I'd love to read your answers. (hint, hint)

~~~11 Questions

1. What is one of your hidden talents?
2. If you could do anything you wanted, what would that thing be?
3. What is one thing you wouldn't be caught dead without?
4. How long have you been blogging? Why did you start?
5. If you could change an aspect of your life or self, would you? Why or why not?
6. You found a $100 bill and can do anything you want with it. What would you do?
7. What is your favorite television show?
8. What do you like to do in your free time (assuming you have some)?
9. What do you splurge on for yourself?
10. What are your "can't miss" blogs to read?
11. What is one thing you really love about yourself?

Weekend Leftovers

We went to the pumpkin patch today. We had a lot of fun finding pumpkins and playing in the dirt. Ja.son did an amazing job and even used only his walker as his mode of transportation while we were there. That is pretty huge for him!

~~~

Apparently Ja.son missed two "low tones" on the hearing screen they did at school.  I do question the results, simply because the boy can hear an airplane flying overhead before anyone else can, is able to hear garbage trucks collecting garbage a good 5-10 minutes before they arrive on our street to collect our trash, and knows exactly when the dryer buzzer dings even though it is located in the garage. I guess my point is that his hearing is very sensitive in what seems to be varied ranges. So... I suppose this means yet another doctor appointment to get the all clear. (Of course, they tested him on a day of Santa Ana's, which meant he did have some allergy issues that day.)

~~~

As if that wasn't fun enough, Sh.awn tried to bite his aide on Friday. they painted fall trees at school that day. They were using green for the grass and red/yellow/orange for the leaves. Sh.awn became upset when his aide told him green was only for the grass. He tried to bite her arm. She told him that was not okay, and he proceeded to hit her 2 or 3 times. Fun times and just when things were going so much better.

For the record, Sh.awn hasn't ever had a problem with biting. Why now? Sigh.

~~~

I decided to keep the boys' school pictures. They've grown on me. The only thing I wish we could change is that those pictures are the ones they'll use for the boys' class picture, too. I'll have to see if they'll let us retake the pictures for that even if we don't turn in the original pictures.

That means I needed to find something else to do for Christmas card pictures. I booked us a photography shoot the first weekend of November. Now I have to figure out something for us all to wear.

~~~

I ordered the boys' costumes. We'll have a firefighter, a doctor, and a robot. They should look so cute!

~~~

Pink concert this weekend. I'm getting excited!

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.