That Twin Thing

Yesterday, the big boys were going to spend the night at grandma's. The plan was that I come home from work, stay to play with the boys for a while, and then take Jack home with me so the big boys could stay overnight at my mom's.

Jason was super excited at the prospect and has been asking to stay for weeks now. Shawn said he wanted to stay the night, too, but he quickly changed his mind once I got there. At that point, Shawn decided that he wanted to go home with me instead of having a slumber party at grandma's. No biggie.

I have to say that it was strange with just Sh.awn and Jack. It was quiet...er in some ways, yet much louder in others. Still, two munchkins to chase around the house is exponentially easier to manage than three. Go figure.

The thing that was striking to me, however, was how Sh.awn spent his evening. The boy was on fire! He was talkative and happy and active in a way that I don't often see. I'm not kidding when I say the was non stop the entire evening. It was very un-Sh.awn like in a very nice way.

Usually Ja.son is the attention seeker. He's louder, faster, and more demanding than Sh.awn. Sh.awn often sits back and lets Jay make decisions about what they'll do, or Sh.awn will just sit and play quietly in the corner while Ja.son does whatever he wants. Sh.awn seems content in that role and will often deflect the decision making to his brother. I do my best to make sure that Sh.awn gets his chance to make choices about  play, but it is difficult to referee in their relationship all the time (and I don't think that would be a good thing even if I could).

Without the twin dynamic, Sh.awn was like a different kid. (Now, I'm not sure if he would always be this animated if he was a singleton.It really could have been a fluke due to the novelty of the experience, because I know that his personality is definitely more laid back and hesitant than what I saw last night.)

It makes me question how different life would have been for him had he been a singleton. There is no doubt that he would have received twice as much attention than he did thus far. How much more advanced would he be had he had our undivided attention during his early days? I can't know the answer to that, of course, but the way he blossomed leaves me wondering.

Then again, I do think Sh.awn (they) gained a lot from having that other person always there. They learned from each other. They motivated each other. They competed with each other. Those benefits definitely can't be discounted.

This experience has cemented my resolve to give the boys, and in particular Sh.awn,  more opportunities to develop their own unique identities. As much as they need to be together because they do have that twin bond, they also need (deserve) the chance to experience life without the influence of the other because of that twin bond.


I'd love to hear from you. How do you do it, multiples moms? How do you make sure each kid gets his or her own chance to be independent while fostering that bond? If you're not a mom of multiples, and you have some ideas, I'd love to hear from you, too.